It took three days for my shoulders and neck to relax. But they did.
Vacations these days are tough to come by. Either you’re too busy to go anywhere or you’re out of work and can’t afford to go anywhere. Then there’s that pandemic thing…
Yet it’s amazing what a week away, without electronic connection, can do for you. And how essential it is, especially now, for us to unwind and take time for ourselves. I had my week. Have you had yours?
Anyone who knows me well has heard me express how burned out I am. And I realize where it’s coming from. It was a revelation that snuck into my brain last night as I was brushing my teeth. Yes, it’s the pandemic, but it’s also the copious amounts of work I’ve been doing for various clients for nearly two years now. But it’s something else, too. I’ve let stress come at me from several fronts, and the result was a body that could not unwind, even on weekends.
My days starts like any other. I get up, get my tea, sit down to do my crossword or read or shop on eBay. At 8:30, my mom calls. It all sounds great so far, right?
However, the shopping is my head trying to fill a need that the outside world isn’t giving. And the calls? They’re tense and stressful because my mom, a widow of just a few years, lives alone far from her children. Her company is a certain TV channel that gins up her fears and makes her hate in ways she’s never done before. That greets me every weekday morning.
Then there’s the workload. I hold very strict work hours — I start after I hang up from talking with Mom, and I work until 3:30. There’s a small break for lunch, but not as long as it should be.
At 3:30, I get up. For the next hour, I exercise. Then I make dinner if it’s my night to cook. Then an evening walk, then TV.
But I don’t turn off work after quitting time. And that’s the problem.
I watched a TED talk recently that I think should be required viewing for all freelancers, particularly during a pandemic, when it’s easy to dig in and lose yourself in the work. It’s about finding ways to shut it off, to reclaim your down time. Great advice.
[bctt tweet=”Is stress ruling your #freelancewriting life?” username=”LoriWidmer”]
Beyond that, there are things you can do right now that can reduce your stress and help you turn off at the end of the day. I know, taking advice from someone who just said she was seriously burned out may not make sense, but that state I was in and the feeling I came back from the shore with was the right combination to come up with a few ideas of my own.
Quit on time.
I have a hard stop at 3:30. Very occasionally a client may need a call at 4:00, but beyond that, it’s going to wait until the next day. It has to. If you stretch beyond your own boundaries, you won’t have any for very long.
That goes for weekends. In the last 10 years, I’ve worked one Saturday for a few hours, and it was a special case with plenty of warning. Don’t agree to Friday afternoon assignments that are due on Monday morning. Whenever your weekend is, treat it like it is sacred. Nothing impedes, nothing is more important than your free time on those days.
Lose what isn’t working.
I parted ways with a writing group recently. The reasons were many, but the foremost reason was it felt like one more thing I had to do. In the past, I really looked forward to it. In the time of Zoom everything, not so much.
Maybe there’s some obligation in your life that is weighing you down. Look at it with new eyes — do you really need to be doing that? Do you want to? There are some obligations, like children and parents, that you do need to take care of. How are you getting a break from that? Are you allowing yourself any? Do you need that book club right now? Are you rushing to keep up with your volunteer work or your hobbies? Why not let them slide for a bit?
If there’s a client in your life causing undue stress, reconsider the relationship. I had to do so not so long ago.
Put a moratorium on bad news.
Complaints, bad news, news at all can disappear. You don’t need to own or respond to things that bother you. That includes watching news. I stopped doing that a while ago, and my outlook has improved immensely. When my mom wants to talk about it, I have ready my standard answer: “Hmm. Interesting.” and at least three topics for diverting the conversation.
If a client complains, handle it as a problem to solve together. But don’t wear it. Fix it, move on.
Delegate where and when you can.
Those new client requests that are coming in right at the time you’re so overworked that you can’t sleep well — you know the ones. This is where it helps to have a group of trusted freelance friends around you, preferably those who can take on such projects easily and with a small learning curve. Refer. Subcontract. Ask for help. Offer to split the fee if a friend helps you get through the pile of work.
Make “No” a complete sentence.
My chum Devon Ellington has a saying: “No is a complete sentence.” When you’re stressed and can’t take on one more ounce of stress, say no. It’s okay to protect yourself. As they say on the airplane secure your own mask before assisting others. If you can’t breathe, you’re no good to anyone.
No, you can’t help out with PTA this week. No, you can’t sew a pirate costume for your kid in two days. No, you can’t have a dinner party right now. No, you don’t want to read that 749-page book for the book club next week. No, you can’t take on one more work project this week. No, you cannot turn that project around by the morning. Understand that your client may be under similar pressure and is simply hoping to pass some of that stress along to someone who has more capacity to handle it. But you may not. It’s okay to say so. They too can modify their expectations.
Release.
While I was at the beach, I picked up a stone and for some reason, called it my “worry stone.” I’d seen a smooth one in a store recently, and I thought it would be neat to have a worry stone that I picked up from a happy place.
But as I held it, I realized I didn’t want to carry that stress at all. I didn’t want to have that constant reminder that I should be worrying about something. So I did something a little weird — I walked for a while, rubbing the stone between my fingers, then tossed the stone back onto the beach. In my head, I’d transferred those worries to that stone, then left it there to dissolve in the tide. They were no longer my burden to carry.
When was the last time you released your stress in a conscious way? Meditation is great, but it’s not the best way to release it. Create your own exercise for removing these things. Stress is a coat we choose to keep on. Maybe envision yourself hanging that coat out in the wind so that the stress can be blown away. Or maybe write down those things that stress you, then burn the paper. Or shred it. Find some way to ceremoniously remove the stress.
Who knows? After doing this regularly, you may find that you don’t hang on to stress as much as you used to.
Writers, how have you been for the last year and a half? Are you feeling the stress in ways you hadn’t before this all started?
How do you release your stress? What works?
Not sure how I avoided Zoom fatigue, but I can count all of work-related video chats I had throughout the pandemic on fewer than 10 fingers. And I only recall maybe 6 others with family or friends – all in the early days because the others couldn’t cope with not seeing people. Once they were Zoomed out or able to have socially-distance gatherings, they no longer needed video chats.
With work stuff, I’ve reached the point where I refuse to take on stress from others. Last week when a publicist repeatedly blew my deadline I simply said either they get me what I need in time for me to meet my deadline, or I turn in what I have. And that’s what I did, along with a note to the editor explaining why one out of 20 entires had no quotes. (When one publicist can’t get three sentences from one person cover the course of at least 10 days it usually means they forgot about it until the last minute.)
Today a source missed the call he set up. I graciously stayed on the “conference call” for 15 minutes in case he was running late (gotta love a speaker phone) – and emailed so he would know I would still be there. When eh didn’t show, I called his place of business. Call was transferred, but never connected with voice mail because the call got disconnected. I tried calling back again, and this time the call disconnected before it could be answered. I assume they’re having phone/internet issues, so I emailed him again saying I’d be available until Noon today (17 minutes away) or tomorrow afternoon. I let my editor know about the issues connecting with the source. What I won’t do is loose sleep worrying about it. If he wants free publicity by being quoted in an article, he’ll get in touch. If not, this article will be fine without him.
I wish I had just 10 calls this whole pandemic. I have at least that many per month. I do restrict them to phone only on my side. Being “on” all the time is exhausting.
Good for you. Yep, you cannot hold the burden for people who can’t be bothered. I’m like you — I don’t get why these people pass on free publicity all the time. It’s not as though in my line of work they’d be scandalized by something they said. Not too many people out there hanging on the words of a workers compensation expert. LOL
Update: The guy apologized for forgetting the call, asked if we could speak today,. I immediately replied asking if the same time was okay. No response. I took a risk and called this morning. the guy who answered the phone said he was in and would see if he was available; he was on the phone, but said I should call back in 20 minutes. I literally set a timer. Called back in 20 minutes only to be told he LEFT THE OFFICE five minutes earlier. Why tell someone to call back in 20 minutes if you know you’re leaving before then?
I sent him an email saying that if for any reason he doesn’t have time to speak to me, I’d appreciate it if he would suggest someone else at the business I could interview. Nearly three hours later, still no reply,
I emailed my editor saying I’d done trying to reach that guy. I’ve spent way too much of my time (which I’m not paid for) trying to get him on the phone. He might be the face of their brand and think he’s above needing to respect someone else’s time, but he’s not. I would happily NOT include his company in the article. And am preparing to do just that.
(Ignore the copious number of typos above. It’s been a LONG week.)
Paula, I think you made the right move. Frankly, the “He left the office five minutes ago” sounded like a dodge to me. Just say he doesn’t want to talk if that’s the case. Stop wasting time, dude.
I’d be over that guy, too. Perhaps a visit to his location sometime might get him to warm up to talking with you? I’m really not sure why people dodge free publicity like this. It’s insane.
Wow, Paula. You are very diligent–impressively so. I’d have thrown in the towel with the guy and told my editor I’d made repeated efforts to contact him and had no luck.
Lori, I’m over the top in stress these days. No travel due to covid plus all the stressors of work, plus people being on edge. I did the same as you recently–got away for a week at a lake house, and it was great but even felt too short.
I also knock off early each day. I do emails between 6-7 a.m., then go swimming and am back at my desk by 9. I work pretty much nonstop until 4, with two dog walks in there. But I refuse to work evenings and weekends. I’ve had people ask, and I don’t feel the need to explain; I simply say I’m already tied up. Why be your own boss if you have to work 24/7?
I’ve also cut the bad news. I read the news in the morning and then am pretty much done for the day. I can’t change much going on in the world today, and as we now know, what seems remarkable today won’t even be memorable in a month now that the news comes at us so fast. Why worry my pretty little head?
Anyway, thanks for airing this. It’s encouraging to know that I’m not the only one feeling stressed.
Gabriella, we’re all tightly wound right now, I think. I hear it in the voices around me, see it on faces in the street, and on Zoom, people sound Zoomed out. It’s great to have work as a place to find some modicum of what normal might look like again, but damn. Like you, I’m not letting it become everything. We need to switch off, and we have the right to do so!
You’re fortunate that you have that lovely pup of yours for companionship. 🙂 He makes me smile!
“Why be your own boss if you have to work 24/7” needs to go on a t-shirt.
I’m finally at the point where I’ll only even consider working evenings or weekends if I have a pressing deadline or took off a day or two mid-week.
Also, not sure I’m diligent as much as I don’t want any of those sources complaining to the editor that I never followed up with them. So I guess it’s my little passive-aggressive way of dealing with the “I’m so important I don’t have time for this” people—99.999% of which like thinking of themselves as big fish in a very little pond. Please. I’m a happy as a little fish swimming in a much bigger, better, and less-polluted pond.
And as soon as I said it, didn’t I work this weekend? LOL I have a crazy week this week, and I wanted to get ahead of it. The article I wrote was about an hour-and-a-half out of a slow Sunday, and it’s already approved and filed, so not a bad thing to get off the desk.
I like your attitude in general, Paula. I’ve never been nervous about interviewing sources, so their attitudes toward getting back to you would cement my distaste for self-aggrandized behavior.